


Deirana's evil fantasy story

by Deirana



Series: Evil Fantasy Stories [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:13:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24358627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deirana/pseuds/Deirana
Summary: Poor shepherd Peter moves out to make his fortune in the world. But he didn't expect him to save the world directly. A not serious fairy tale/fantasy story.
Series: Evil Fantasy Stories [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1760869





	1. Four Companions

**So, strictly speaking, this is a fan fiction. Actually, almost none of the people belongs to me, because they have ever occurred in one way or another somewhere in fairy tales or in fantasy stories or other books.**  
**I don't make any money from this story either.**

**Short note on my part: Actually, I love fantasy stories. But pulling a little through the cocoa must be allowed, so please don't be nasty, yes?**

**Was already on FF in 2007. en published. My name there is Deira.**

**Let's make a little guessing game, tell me which fairy tales or fantasy stories or characters you recognize. It's quite simple in the first chapter.**

**Four Companions**

A long, long time ago in the country of Middlegaesia...

Once upon a time there was a terribly poor shepherd. His name was Peter, and he lived in the mountains, where he drove the sheep up to the mountain pasture every day. He had to do that because he was so poor. That is why he had accepted this work, for which he did not receive any money, but at least he was busy all day and could look at the mountains, watch the little lambs hopping, look at the little flowers and occasionally stare at his fellow shepherd, the Heidi.

In the evening Peter went home to his mother, who was of course also poor. "Mother, why are we so poor and have no money at all," Peter asked his mother one evening.

She sighed sadly." You know, Peter, that's because your father, Hans, always exchanged everything he owned for items that were always worth less than the last. So he once had a lump of gold, I was already so looking forward to us building a nice house from it, but unfortunately your father, the Hans, exchanged it for a horse, the horse then for a goat, the one against a chicken, and then he had a stone turned on, but it was too heavy for him and there he threw it away. He said that now he was relieved of all the burden and had no worries."

Confused, Peter looked at his mother. "But I don't really know that now." She nodded. "You got this from your father, Hans. He never got anything done."

  
One day Peter decided that he no longer had a real desire to keep only sheep in his life. He wanted to go out into the world and make his fortune Because he did not receive any money for his work, his poor mother did not suffer a great loss when he left her. So he said goodbye to his fellow shepherd Heidi and her grandfather, the Öhi. 

But before he left, he asked the old wise Öhi if he could give him good advice. "Is there anything you would advise me to do, old wise Öhi?" The Öhi looked at him from top to bottom and said, "No!"

And so Peter set out into the great wide world. First he came through a creepy forest. It was really creepy. It was even so creepy that Peter had to deal with the fear a little. He was also hungry. "The dear God will send me something to eat and make sure I don't have to starve," Peter thought. 

And the miracle happened. In fact, there were several breadcrumbs in front of him at some distance in a row. Peter picked up the pieces of bread and ate them. It almost looked like someone wanted to leave a trail with the crumbs, but that was nonsense after all.

In the evening Peter came to a small house. He knocked. A little dwarf opened the door for him. "Good evening, what can I do for you?" "Good evening, I am Peter, and I am looking for accommodation for one night. Can I stay with you, dear Dwarf?" The dwarf nodded. "Of course you can stay with me, I will cook you a delicious meal immediately and of course you can sleep in my bed. Peter beams at the dwarf. "Really?"

But the dwarf quiped, "Of course not!" and slammed the door in front of Peter's nose.

So Peter sadly walked through the cold forest and gladly quite pathetic. Suddenly he saw a campfire. There sat a man and ate a delicious smelling soup. Peter approached the campfire carefully and approached the man. "Excuse me a lot, but I'm very hungry and I'm cold, should I sit with you at your fire?" The stranger was a little kinder than the dwarf before and Peter got his dinner. "Say, what is your name and what are you doing here in the middle of the forest?" The stranger looked at him sadly. "I'm on the run from a grisly troll woman who desperately wants to marry me. But it's really so repulsive that I get scared every time I see it. By the way, my name is Martin, I don't really do anything full-time, but I can fight quite well with a sword and shoot with bow and arrow! And what can you do?" Peter pondered for a moment. "Uh, I can keep sheep very well!"

The stranger smiled. "That's something, after all. We could move around the world together."

The next morning, they continued to wander. At a crossroads, they met an old man with a long white beard. "Good morning, good man, can you tell us how to get out of the forest?" Confused, the man looked at the two. "What do you want to know?" Peter said a little louder: "We want to know how best to get out of the forest!" "Hues?"

Now Martin screamed in the man's ear, "How do we get out of the forest?" Outraged, the old man looked at him. "You don't need to scream like that! From the forest it goes over there. On the occasion, have you seen four hobbits?" Peter and Martin looked at each other inquiringly. "What are we supposed to have seen?" But the man waved off. "You don't understand that anyway!"

So Peter and Martin went on.

Soon after, they had made it and left the forest. They met a young woman by a river. She had long black hair and wore a leather armor. "Good morning, you two, I'm a mercenary and I'm looking for a new job. Don't you want to take me with you? My name, by the way, is Xenia." "Ah, hello Xenia," Martin said, looking into the neckline. The next moment, she punched him in the face. "If you look at me like that again, I'll break your neck!" 

They came through a small village where people disappeared into the houses in fear when the strangers came. Peter held a little boy and asked him, "What's going on? Why are everyone here so scared?" The boy answered tremblingly: "This is because of the great evil dragon who lives over there in a cave in the mountains and guards a great treasure. Every year we sacrifice a virgin to him, which he then eats up. Soon it's time again.

Martin asked Xenia:" Are you still a virgin?" Xenia turned red. "What's that about you?" He nodded. "So yes!" Again, she knocked him down. 

Peter said, "What do you think of it, we kill the dragon, save all the virgins here in the village and get us the treasure. Then we are rich and I can buy beautiful things for my poor mother. "Well," said Martin, "I don't really like it." Xenia said. "For once, I even agree with that. When I consider the dragon's fondness for virgins..."

"Well," said Peter, "then I'm going to fight the dragon alone."

Peter set off.

He stopped in front of the dragon's cave, he heard a loud snoring. So the beast slept. Very good. He sneaked quietly into the cave, but unfortunately he stepped on a branch that cracked loudly. Suddenly he faced him eye to eye with a big green dragon. He growled at him badly. "Can't you even keep your midday sleep here?" Peter answered tremblingly, "I really didn't want to disturb, but I'm here because I want to fight with you, defeat and kill you, and then take your treasure from me!" 

"Oh, otherwise you don't want anything? Would you like to have this magic sword, what's in the back of the stone?" Peter looked at a stone. There was actually a sword in it. "If I could still have that, that would be very nice!"

Then he took a branch and beat the dragon against a wing. "Aua, that hurts," the dragon lamented. "Sorry," said Peter.

"Why do you always want to fight with me? Not only that every year you drag me to such a woman, who tastes like nothing and that I have to choke down, knights and princes come all the time and want to fight with me. But you're not a knight or a prince, are you?" No," Peter shook his head. "I am a shepherd."

The dragon nodded. "Ah yes, I've never eaten a shepherd. I just hope you don't taste too much like sheep." 

  
Peter looked at the dragon inquiringly. "Can we start fighting again now? My mother is certainly happy when I come home with a treasure!" 

The dragon moaned. "You all come to me with this treasure. I have no treasure at all. The Dragon Treasures Guard belongs in the realm of legends. I just have the stupid sword over there."

Peter looked at the dragon in amazement. "But I don't really know that now." He scratched his head. 

Then he asked the dragon, "Say, what do you think of it if you leave the sword to me now, and then go out into the wide world with me and my friends?

The dragon pondered for a moment. "That sounds really good." Get the sword, and then we go."

Peter went to the stone and drew by the sword. "Wait, I'll help you," said the dragon, and together they pulled it out. 

Then they left the cave together. Outside, they met Xenia and Martin, who stormed towards the dragon with their swords drawn. "We have come to save you! We had a terrible bad conscience," Xenia said.

Peter said, "Well, this is our dragon now, he's coming with us."

Four of them went into the sunset with new adventures. 

**I hope, you like this.**


	2. The Evil King and the Witch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And then we move on to the second chapter. This time it's about the bad guys...

As Peter, Martin, Xenia and the dragon happily roamed the world, dark clouds rose on the horizon. For the land has been ruled for years by a terribly evil king who oppressed everyone.

He preferred to wear black clothing, he usually covered his face with a hood, and he preferred to bully his servants. When he got bored, he went to his birdcage and ripped off the head of a canary. Sometimes he tormented unicorns. As you can see, he was really very nasty.

But on that day he was a little kinder than usual, because he was looking for a new employee at his royal court, a personal assistant, who would take a little of his hard work away from him.

The first candidate arrived half an hour late. It was a cunningly grinning ugly man. "Good morning, Majesty, I wanted to apply for the assistant position. He presented the king with some papers. "My previous employer issued it to me!" The king let them through attentively. "Ah, a certain Mr. Saruman, by profession magician has occupied you so far, uh, Grima. But he also writes here that he was not so satisfied with your work. That's why you were fired.

The king shook his head. "No, you don't get the job with me. Watch!" Two guards came in and took Grima with them.

The next candidate entered the throne room. A man with a sharp helmet who was breathing very hard. The king struggled with fear. This guy was just too scary. "No, you don't get the job either! Look!" This time, eight guards came in and took the eerie man with them.

The next candidate was a good-looking middle-aged woman. "Good morning, I think I'm just right for the job!" The king smiled kindly at her. "What do you have to show for evil deeds?" she smiled. "I poisoned my stepdaughter with an apple, tricked a stupid princess into stabbing her on a spindle, even though she knew she wasn't allowed to touch her, then I recently lured two children into a pepper cake house. They had got lost in the forest after a fool had eaten their breadcrumb path. I'm a nasty fairytale witch!

The king was enthusiastic. "Yes, you get the job with me. I'm looking for someone like you. I recently kidnapped the beautiful daughter of the Elven King. I will marry them, and through this wedding I will also become the ruler of the whole kingdom of elves. Then they will no longer float through the woods in funny colorful robes and sing beautiful wistful songs.

No, when I finally married the elven princess, the leaves will fall from the trees everywhere, there will be winter forever, the people and the elves will all starve, the birds will no longer sing, and all will only wear black clothing and be sad."

He clapped his hands with joy. 

The fairy-tale witch laughed, but she still had a question. "Why do you want the world to be so sad, Majesty?" He grinned at her. "I don't really know that myself, but I'm just an evil king, and that's why I have to behave accordingly evil. It's just so much fun.

Meanwhile, the beautiful elven princess was stuck in a tower dungeon. It was terribly boring there. She sighed. It was really time for someone to come to save her, because of course she didn't want to marry the evil king. She thought about who would come to her rescue. But certainly a brave knight in a shiny armor who would defeat the king in a breathtaking duel. Perhaps also a real prince, in an even shinier armor, who would defeat the king in an even more breathtaking duel.

It might also be a mysterious black-clad man wearing a black mask who wanted to keep his identity to himself because he was living a double life. 

Actually, she didn't care who of the three would save her if he only finally came. She was so terribly boring here. 


	3. The Mission of the Old Wise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new Chapter. I hope, you like it.

Peter, Martin, Xenia and dragon continued to roam the country. "Where should we go now," asked the dragon, who gradually lost the desire to continue to roam the country." Everywhere people are afraid of me and scream: "Help, a dragon!" I don't like to hear it any time soon!"

Peter scratched his head. "But now I don't know what to do!" 

They came to a small village soon after. An old man sat at the fountain. The four companions sat next to him. "Say, aren't you Peter, Martin, xenia and a dragon?" "Oh, how did you notice this, old wise man," asked the dragon. "A bit more respect for an old wise man! I have an order for Peter.

Peter looked at the man inquiringly. "What?"

The old man rose and was suddenly surrounded by a white light, then he said, "Peter, you were chosen by higher powers to save the world from the evil king and to free and marry the beautiful elven princess!"

Peter still didn't really understand what the man wanted from him. "What?" He scratched his head.

Xenia slapped him on the fingers. "Leave the scratching, the big mysterious wise old man thinks you have lice!" "Have I," said Peter. 

The Martin, Xenia and the Dragon moved away from him. 

The Old Wise became impatient. "Peter, again, you were chosen by higher powers to save the world from the evil king and to free and marry the beautiful elven princess. Peter wanted to scratch his head again, but Xenia looked at him so badly that he preferred to leave it. But nevertheless Peter still did not really understand what was actually demanded of him. So Martin explained it to him in simple words.

"Peter, you hero. The king evil. Save the princess. Save the world."

Now Peter nodded joyfully. "Oh, I shall save the world from the king and marry the princess after I have delivered her." Reproachfully he looked to the wise old man. "Why didn't you tell me that right away, oh wise age?"

He grabbed his head and moaned. "Now you want to know how to do this, don't you?" Peter was confused again. "What?"

The wise old man was close to despair. "I want to know what these higher powers sometimes think. They probably really follow the motto "Happiness is with the stupid ones!" Then he turned to Martin. "Could you please explain to this weak buddy that he must enter the evil king's castle, overpower all his guards and evil henchmen, defeat the king who has great magical powers, and then save the beautiful elven princess?"

Martin nodded. "Peter, king of the mighty sorcerers, many villains, must fight, save the princess." Martin turned again to the wise old. "Is the elven princess actually more beautiful than the one there?" He points to Xenia, who has knocked him down again. "Aua!"

But Peter had finally understood his mission. He nodded wisely. "Yes, smart age, I will. I will save the world and defeat an evil almighty magical king whom no one could resist. But I can do that, because until recently I kept a whole flock of sheep." Somewhat embarrassed, he added: "Well, Heidi did the most, she actually did everything. But I've always watched her closely, especially when she's bent over and you get into it..."

He couldn't get any further, because Xenia had also knocked him down. "Piglet!" 

Martin asked, fearing that Peter would not think of it: "Wise lyty, HOW and what is the time for Peter to defeat the evil king? With the power of his heart, with much courage or with heavenly support?"

The Old Sage said, "No, all this is of no use. After all, we are not in a fairy tale, but in the harsh reality. You must use the magic sword from the Dragon Cave!"

"Hey? What a sword?" Peter didn't really know what the Old Wise meant. Why did he have to make everything so complicated?" Now it was enough for Martin. He took the sword from Peter, which he held in his hand all the time, and slapped it on his head. "Well, that's there!"

Now Peter had understood the rest. His poor mother had always explained everything to him in this way. The Old Wise looked to heaven. "I have fulfilled my mission as messenger of fate, please let me up again very quickly, o great Skothyko!"

The Old Sage became transparent and disappeared. "Who is Skothyko," Asked Xenia, "A God?" But the others didn't know either. 

So they set out to save the world.

At night, they passed a cemetery. "Here it should haunt, I heard," said the dragon. Terrible things are supposed to happen here at night, monsters, vampires and werewolves are here. And an eerie blonde girl is supposed to do her mischief here, that these beings hunt with wooden pegs." Martin nodded wisely. "And because it's so dangerous, and the detour around the cemetery is at least two minutes longer, we're going over it now."

Peter nodded. "Exactly, we have no time to lose, my princess is already waiting for me!"

So the four companions entered the cemetery, which was really very scary. In one corner sat three skeletons and played cards. On a tombstone sat a young transparent woman and wept bitterly. "I'm doomed to haunt here forever because I poisoned my husband! With a glass of red wine." She handed Peter a glass. "Here, do you want to taste?" But Peter shook his head. "No, my poor mother has always said that I must not do this! I'm never supposed to drink alcohol, it could be deadly.' The spirit began to disintegrate. "Thank you, you redeemed me, because everyone else I told my story and then offered wine accepted it and are now behind." She pointed to a pile of bones. Then she disappeared. Peter scratched his head. "Did you understand that now?" The others shook their heads. "No, not even."

They went on and suddenly a pale man in a black cape represented them. "Where so hurried along the way, my friends," he said with a strong accent. The four looked confused. "What do you want from us, dear Vampire," peter asked. "Oh, nothing more, I just want to drink a little blood, preferably from this pretty virgin in front!"

He took a step towards Xenia. But Martin stepped in between. "Leave them blos in peace, you monsters." He drew his sword. But Xenia knocked him down. "What do you think you are? For a brave hero? I can take care of myself very well and don't need a guy to save me!" At that moment, the vampire touched her and she fell into his arms with a sigh. "Now I will bite you and make you my companion for eternity!" He approached Xenia's neck with his teeth.

Peter feverishly pondered whether or not to help her. No matter how he decides, in any case someone would beat him up in the end, either the vampire because he disputed his prey, or Xenia, because he would have saved her simply against her will.

"Can you cope alone," he asked the almost unconscious Xenia.

The vampire grinned, but at that moment he was pushed forward. A pretty blonde young woman stood behind him and had a wooden peg in her hand. "I'm the slayer! I'll get you ready now!" And then the Slayer began beating the vampire, eventually pushing her wooden peg into his heart and he dissolved into dust.

In the meantime, The Martin had rallied again and bent over the still not quite to himself Xenia. But when he tried to help her, she gave him a slap. "Can men always think of digging?" 

"I didn't want to dig, I just wanted to help them up because you were unconscious and the evil vampire almost drank your blood!" Martin was offended. But she gave him another slap. "These are always the same excuses you guys use." I just wanted to save you from the vampire, you were almost drowned, the Nazgul wanted to carry you away, you lay impotent lystant in the burning house. Always have the same excuses to dig!" 

The Slayer had come to them after she had asked the three skeletons to return to her tomb. "You better leave this cemetery very quickly, soon the sun rises.

Peter asked, "Tell me, dear Miss, where are we going to the castle of the evil king?"

The Slayer nodded wisely. "You want to defeat four of you on your own, save the world and free another princess who one of you wants to marry?" Peter nodded wisely. "Yes, that's what we want." But Martin said, "So only Peter got the job, but we are good friends of him and go with him, we don't care if the king captures us, tortures us, kills us," he took a look at Xenia, "or buried." We go with Peter! Through thick and thin."

"The dragon said, "Uh, that's with the torture, that, uh," but The Martin kicked him against his leg.

The huntswoman had listened admiringly to this speech. "Do you come with you," the dragon asked. But then the young blonde woman just said: "I'm not crazy, I'd much rather stay with my werewolves, vampires, guhlen sands and evil witches, there are three such sisters, they make me trouble at the moment. But I certainly don't go to the evil king."

She waved goodbye to them. "We'll see you again soon, because in at least three days the king has done you and then you haunt here too!"

The four companions waved back, then made their way to the evil king's castle. 


	4. The Fairy Tale Witch and the Troll Woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today, our heroes invade the evil king's castle. But will they pass the hordes of orcs, a troll woman, the evil fairy-tale witch and a sapphire-blue dragon? What about the giant spiders in the basement? And then there's Igor...

Peter, Martin, Xenia, and the dragon approached the evil king's castle. It was lying on a hill and was all black with many pointed towers, everywhere sat vicious-looking stone figures staring at them. Peter scratches his head. "Say, what kind of characters are they? Xenia didn't really know. "Uh, so I think these are Gargo, uh, Grago, um Grig, oh what, these are quite simply stonemason figures, and very ugly!"

"Are you more beautiful?" one of the characters asked her. Xenia stared at the stone thing in anger. "Of course I'm more beautiful than you!" The figure shook his head. "Are you not!" "Am I!"" No!" But!" No!" Xenia turned to her companions. "Martin, say something, who of us looks better, me or that?" "Martin thought hard." So, so fast... Aua!" Xenia had given him a slap.

Peter, Martin, Xenia and the Dragon went on. "How are we supposed to get here? There are a lot of evil orcs in front of the gate and they certainly don't let us in," martin asked. Peter scratched his head.

"Uh," he began, but Martin waved off. "Leave the thinking better. He approached the first orc. He raised his spear threateningly. "You don't come in here," he said.

Martin pointed upwards. "Look, something is flying up there!" The orc looked up. "I don't see anything!" He turned to the thirty other orcs. "Look up if there's something flying." All orcs looked attentively into the sky, while Peter, Martin, Xenia and the Dragon entered the evil sorcerer's castle.

In the castle it was very eerie, cobwebs hung everywhere, and although all the windows were wide open, no sunshine penetrated. "So you couldn't keep sheep in there," martin said.

"Where do we have to go now?" asked Xenia.

Peter scratched his head, which earned him a pat on xenia's fingers. "Ask the troll behind us!" said the dragon.

In one corner stood an ugly troll about two meters tall in a pink dress. His lips were also made up in the same pink tone, as were his fingernails. "Well, I'll ask," Peter said, walking toward the troll. "Excuse me, dear troll, but we are looking for the evil king, and since you are so ugly and therefore certainly evil, you know him for sure, right?" 

The troll looked at Peter badly and took an axe. "Who do you call ugly here? At least I don't smell like sheep, apart from that I'm not a troll, but a troll woman and will eat you up now!" She took a step towards Peter, but then she saw the other three, dropped the axe and ran towards Martin, who tried in vain to hide behind the dragon. "Martin, darling, you're finally there! But that was common to you when you just let me stand in front of the church! My whole troll family was there, and out of anger at this insult, we then devoured the pastor, plundered the church, and expelled all the gnomes from their mushrooms!"

She had arrived at Martin's house and pressed a lot of smears on his cheek. "But now you're back, darling!" The Martin tried in vain to free himself. "Xenia, now help me!" But she shook her head and said, "We women must hold together, and it was quite common of you to just leave this poor woman standing in front of the church."

Peter scratches his head. "Uh, that's great, Martin, then when we defeated the king, we all have a wife. We can make a double wedding out of it!" "The dragon shook his head sadly." Certainly the Xenia has a friend somewhere, only I am all alone, because there are simply no more female dragons. That's sooo mean!" He was so angry that all the chandeliers on the ceilings and all the pictures on the walls began to wobble.

"What does this noise mean here?" asked a threatening shrill female voice. An attracktive woman had entered the aisle. "Have you invaded here because you want to defeat the king, free the princess, and save the world?" The four companions nodded.

"Yes!" "Hm," the woman scratched her head. "Is that related to you, Peter?" asked Xenia. He shook his head. "No!"

The woman said in an even shriller voice than before: "I am certainly not related to that there. I am the evil fairy-tale witsch, the most beautiful woman in the whole country! That's what my magic mirror tells me every day!" Xenia nodded sympathetically. "Yes, yes, it's a misery with these mirrors, my neighbor, a really unspeakably ugly fat woman, she was called Jabbana Shrek, he told such a thing all the time!" The woman was confused. "But only Snow White behind the seven mountains of the seven dwarfs was prettier than me, and I gave him a poisoned apple. But that doesn't matter, I'm going to fight with you now, defeat you and then blame my giant spider in the basement for eating. 

Martin had finally freed himself from the grip of the troll woman in love and said to the evil fairy-tale witsch: "You spoke of Snow White earlier. Is this such a good-looking, somewhat naive dark-haired person who lives with the dwarves and accepts gifts from everyone, even though the dwarves have forbidden her to do so and so far something bad has happened every time she has done it again?"

The fairytale witch nodded. "Exactly, this is Snow White. But why are you asking? Doesn't matter, because I'm going to fight with you now, defeat you and then accuse my giant spider in the basement of eating!" She pulled out a magic wand. "I'm saying a spell now!" She started: "Ene mene, uh no, that was Abrakadabra, simsalbum, or was it simsalabim?" 

She was a little confused. The Martin, who had just been pulled back into his arms by the troll woman, took advantage of this quite meanly. "But I saw Snow White a few days ago! I met her in the forest, she married a prince and always meets in the forest with my buddy Robin, who lives there and steals the rich." 

The fairy-tale witch turned red with anger in her face. 'That can't be the case, she ate my poisoned apple! Well wait, for which I will now fight you, defeat you, and you, uh," "accuse us of the giant spiders in the basement for frass," Peter helped her further. She nodded to him. "Thank you, you're a good boy!"

She calmed down a little, then she asked Martin, "Is that really true with Snow White?" Martin nodded. "Of course that's true!" She became angry again and threw her magic wand on the ground. "Then the evil king here alone must see how he comes to terms, I have to take care of Snow White!" 

Angry, she walked past them and left the castle, wondering in front of the gate that all the orcs were staring into the sky.

"A strange woman," said Peter, scratching himself. "Are we going on?" the dragon asked. They made their way to the evil king, with the troll woman in love in tow. "Where's it going," Martin asked the troll woman. "Are you telling me that?" She gave him another kiss on the cheek. "I say everything to my Martin treasure! You have to walk around the corner over there and beware of the sapphire-blue dragon Sabrina. She is there at the door and is always sad because she is so alone, and that is why she eats up all those who want to invade the king.

"Another dragon? A dragon girl?" The dragon was completely out of the house. "Xenia, you're a woman, you can judge that, I look good?" Xenia looked closely at the dragon. "Yes, but for a dragon you actually look quite good. But you might want to bring some flowers." The dragon nodded. That is what I will do! In a vase stood three roses, which he took in his mouth, and radiantly he set out with the others on the way to the evil king.

"First of all, you have to go through the door," said the troll woman. Peter knocked politely, so it finally belonged. His poor mother had taught him this. A hunchbacked servant opened the door. "I am the Igor, what can I do for you?" Peter said, "We want to defeat the evil king, free the princess, and save the world."

The servant Igor nodded. "Wait a moment, I will tell you to the king!"

**And next time, dear children, you will learn that**

**whether Peter defeats the evil king,**

**the beautiful princess freed**

**saving the world**

**who Martin finally marries the troll woman**

**the dragon Sabrina rejoices over the flowers**

**who Peter gets rid of his lice**


	5. The Great Showdown, Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long time ago in the land of Middlegaesia a brave shepherd, Peter, his friend Martin, a warrior, Xenia and a dragon were ready to take on the unspeakably evil king! Read the first part of the big showdown now!

Bored, Peter, Martin, Xenia and the Dragon were still at the door. "Slowly, however, this Igor could hurry up a little bit," Xenia said. 

"I think so," said Martin, whom the troll woman had just pulled back into his arms and pressed one smear after another on his cheek.

"Now let's do it," he said to his fiancée. She pulled a pout, something that didn't seem sexy to a troll woman, but rather caused the other nausea.

"But treasure," she said. "You don't have to be embarrassed by your friends! You're always so shy! But soon we are married, then we don't have to hide anymore, if the wedding takes place during the day, then we still have until late at night to show our love!" 

The dragon looked to the ceiling. "It's so romantic! But why can you show your love only until late at night?" 

The troll woman slapped her eyes and smiled embarrassed. "Well, then the wedding night begins, and there are bride and groom alone!"

The dragon didn't quite understand it yet. He looked lovingly at the flowers he was still holding in his mouth. "But after that you can show all your great love to all your life!"

The Martin groaned in agony, and the troll woman looked at the dragon without understanding. "What does this mean here after that? On the wedding night, the groom is eaten up by the bride!" She was really surprised. Wasn't that the case with others?

Peter scratched his head. The flowers fell out of the dragon's mouth in terror. "Maybe I should think about it again with Sabrina?"

The troll woman shook her head. "I don't really know what my Martin treasure, "she gave him another kiss," for a problem with him! My other eight men didn't complain either! But they were also trolls! My mother was right when she said, "My belly, don't get in on others! These barbarians have no understanding of our customs and customs." Again, martin pressed them to themselves. "But I love my loved one so!"

At that moment, the door opened. Igor, the servant who hugged, said, "The king now has time and wants to fight with you and kill you. Please follow me!"

He went on, and Peter, Martin, Xenia and the Dragon, as well as the trolling woman in love, followed him into a large hall. In the middle of the room stood the evil king. He wore a long fur coat, a crown and had small horns on his head. "He greeted the arrivals kindly.

  
"That's nice that you want to entertain me a little bit here! So, who should I kill first? On the other hand, my Sabrina can actually take over!"

He looked around the room. "Sabrina, where are you again?" 

Visibly in a bad mood, a sapphire-blue dragon trotted into the room. "What's there again? Who should I eat this time? But hopefully not another disgusting Balrog! They always taste so charred!"

The evil king said, "No, this time you may eat the four in front and the troll woman!". 

The troll woman looked at the king badly. "If anyone here eats my Martin treasure, then I am, understood?" 

Sabrina the Dragon took a step towards her. A glow went over her face. "Another dragon!" She happily jumped on the dragon and said flirtatiously, "Hello, I'm Sabrina, and what's your name?" The dragon said, "I am Fritz! Do you feel like flying a little with me?" She smiled fondly at him. "But gladly, Fritz! Then you could take me to eat cows!"

Side by side, the two left the throne room. "Hey, what about the fight against the evil king, the salvation of the world and the liberation of the beautiful elven princess," Peter exclaimed to the two, but the dragons in love did not pay attention to him at all. They also did not react when the king called for Sabrina: "Sabrina, on the spot by foot! That is not the way to do it! You can't just neglect your duties here, nor because such a dragon runs out!"

But even the king could not stop the young happiness.

Frustrated, the evil king turned to Peter, Martin, and Xenia. "Then we have to make up for it well or badly among ourselves! On the other hand, I have another servant! A world-famous pirate, the best swordsman in the world! He's going to be done with you!" He looked around and shouted out loud, "Jack, come here!"

A well-sighted pirate entered the room. "That still means CAPTAIN Jack! Remember that!" But then he drew his sword and put it on Peter's chest. "So you're here because you want to defeat the king, save the world and free the beautiful princess?"

Peter scratched his head vigorously and shook himself a little. His hair flew wildly. "Uh, yes," he said. The pirate said with a grin: "Let's fight!" Peter turned to Martin for help, who once again tried to push the troll woman away from him. "What am I supposed to do now?" 

"Draw your sword and fight with him," answered Martin. Peter scratched his head even more vigorously. "What sword?" The Martin said, "Well, what you pulled out of the stone in the Dragon Cave, and that now hangs on your tomb!" Peter was still a little perplexed. "Do you think so?" he asked, drawing his sword. "Exactly that! And now you're fighting the pirate!"

"Oh, I'm supposed to fight the pirate, defeat him, then defeat the king, save the world and then free my elven princess. Say the same thing. You always explain everything so complicated." Peter drew his sword, which began to glow green. 

The pirate said, "I will have defeated you quickly! After all, I am a famous pirate! And what are you?" Peter scratched his head. What should this question be? "Well, I'm a shepherd, you can see that, Jack!" "CAPTAIN Jack means that! And now I will see you..." but at that moment the pirate could no longer speak, because he suddenly began to scratch himself everywhere. "You put lice on me! Bah, that's a sourness!" He turned to the king. "I have to go for a swim now! I can't see myself on my ship like that!"

He ran out of the room.

"Then we must fight with each other," said the king, drawing a sword that began to glow red.

**Next time, my dear children, you'll read the big showdown!**

**You will then learn:**

**whether Peter finally defeats the evil king**

**whether Martin marries the troll woman**

**whether Martin is eaten**

**whether Peter saves the elven princess**

**and above all:**

**what will become of Peter's lice?**


	6. The Great Showdown, Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So now the time has come for Peter to face the evil king in the big showdown, just as Luke Skywalker Darth Vader, Robin Hood the Sheriff, the three little pigs to the great evil wolf.

"Well, then show what you can," said the evil king, taking a step toward Peter with his sword. Peter scratched his head. "What can I do? Well, I can keep sheep! But how am I supposed to show that here? There are no sheep here!"

"It's going to be even easier than I thought, as stupid as you are," said the evil king, taking another step toward Peter, who took a look at Martin, who had just been hugged by the troll woman, and xenia. 

"You have to fight against him with your sword," said Martin, pushing the troll woman away. She was offended. "Slowly you could really stand by our love!" said bean. Xenia nodded. "But I think so. If you can dig, you can get married afterwards and get eaten!"

The king smiled. "Don't worry about that anymore, as soon as I'm done with this one, then I'll take care of you!"

He took out with his sword and wanted to let it fall down on Peter when he stumbled over his long cape and fell. "Aua! Such a stupid cloak! Who invented this fashion for kings? And why do everyone always have to imitate this?"

Swearing, the king rose again, took off the cape, and threw it aside. "Now nothing stops me, you stupid goat shepherd!" he said.

But now Peter was offended. "I am not a goat shepherd, but a shepherd. That is a very big difference. It starts with the fur, so sheep have a much thicker..."

"Stop," the king shouted at Peter. 'That's not to be endured with you. Now we are fighting!"

Now the king struck again with his sword. Peter lifted up his weapon, and the king's sword bounced off him. Peter proudly looked to his friends. "Did I do well, didn't I?"

Martin nodded to Peter in a cheerful way. "That was very good, but now you have to keep fighting. Let's get the king!" Peter scratched his head again. "What about?"

"With your sword," cried Martin, grasping his head. How stupid was his friend?"

But Martin didn't have much time to ponder, because again the troll woman pressed Schmatzer on his cheek. "Xenia, now help me," asked Martin. But Xenia stood there with her arms crossed and said, "No, you heroes always get along with everything else, but when you sit him in the shit, we weak women are good enough to save you! And as a thank you you bury us!"

Fortunately, Peter had heeded Martin's last counsel and struck the king with his sword. Unfortunately, he did not meet him, but ran past him and slipped on the king's coat. He reached for something he could hold on to, caught the evil king, and dragged him to the ground.

His sword fell out of the king's hand. 

Peter rose up and helped the king. His old poor mother had taught him to help old people who could not stand up alone. "Thank you," said the evil king. "And now I will kill you!"

Peter scratched his head again. But that was not very nice of the king, after all he had just helped him up. So Peter took his sword again. "Well, then we'll fight now, I'll defeat you, save the world and then free the beautiful elven princess and marry her!"

Martin slapped himself on the forehead with relief. "At last he figured out what to do!"

Then Peter lifted his sword and began to strike the evil king. Suddenly the best fight was going on. Suddenly Peter was a perfect swordsman who mastered all the tricks and put the king in dire straits.

While Peter and the king were fighting, Igor the hunchbacked servant came into the room with a tray of cheese. "Little snack while you wait for my king to defeat this shepherd and then kill you?" he asked kindly. Xenia nodded and took a cheese bite, while Peter briefly stopped his fight and indignantly said to the hunchbacked servant, "I'm keeping SHEEPS! No pigs."

But as he was again attacked by the evil king at that moment, Peter refrained from discussing the difference between sheep and pigs.

Suddenly it became black in the eyes of the evil king. His crown had slipped in his face. Blindly, he groped his way through the area, while the others watched him a little perplexed. "Be careful, there is your coat, don't slip on it," Peter warned him, but unfortunately the king did not heed him, stepped on his coat, slipped through half the room and fell out of the window. 

Peter, Martin, Xenia, troll woman and buckling servant Igor ran to the window and looked down. Dozens of Orcs had surrounded a burnt hole in the ground, which the evil king had burned into the ground upon his impact, and which had brought him straight to hell. A little devil with a trident waved to them cheerfully. "Thank you, we would have gotten it ourselves sooner or later."

Xenia clapped rapturously into her hands. "He's cute! Just see the little squirrels and the cute tail! So sweet!"

Peter scratched his head. 'Well, I don't really know. What are we supposed to do now? How did I go after the part where I was supposed to defeat the king again?"

"Now you have to free the beautiful princess and then marry her," said Martin. 

"Marry, that's exactly my catchphrase," said the troll woman, grabbing Martin, throwing him over his shoulder and running with him out of the throne room. "Next week is wedding, you're all invited," she shouted to the others.

"I don't know, are you going there?" asked Peter Xenia. She shrugged her shoulders. 'I don't really know yet. Let's see.

At that moment, a light illuminated the room, and the mysterious Old Wise stood smiling in front of Peter and Xenia. "You did that very well, Peter. And if you're wondering that you've suddenly mastered the sword fight so well, don't worry about it. Everything is right with you. It was not yourfault, but the enchanted sword. You better give that to me now! I have to put it in a stone again, a young king is supposed to pull it out soon!"

With relief, Peter handed the sword to the Old Sage. "But I am relieved that it was not my fault, that with the sword fight, I mean."

The Old Wise took the sword and disappeared.

Xenia turned to the servant Igor, who ate the cheese bites himself. "Where do we find the princess?" "Over there, in the tower, she's," the hunchbacked Igor said a little unhappy. Xenia felt sorry for him. What torments you so, hunched Igor?" she asked him kindly. "Oh, I'm unemployed now. What am I supposed to do now?"

Tears ran down his face.

Xenia had a brilliant idea. "I know a good job for you. I come from a very large city with a very large church. There they are looking for another hunchback. People with humpbacks are preferred there. Try it!"

Shining, Igor made his way to his new job.

Peter and Xenia made their way to the tower where the princess was trapped.

**That was the penultimate chapter.**

**In the next, irretrievably final chapter you will finally learn:**

**Does Peter marry the princess?**

**Does Martin marry the troll woman (and get eaten)?**

**and above all: don't forget Peter's lice!!!**


	7. And they lived happily to the end.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The evil king is defeated, but the poor helpless beautiful elf princess is still trapped in her tower. Will it finally be saved?

After defeating the evil king, they went to the tower where the beautiful elven princess was held captive.

They circled the tower. Upstairs was a small window. Peter scratched his head and asked Xenia, "You, Xenia, how do we get in there now? Do we have to get a ladder or climb up the wall?" He scratched his head again.

Then he came up with a good idea. "Whether it has long hair? I've heard of someone who got to know his wife like that."

Xenia gave Peter a pat on the back of the head. "You can also easily take the door up there!"

Peter beamed all over his face. "Actually, there's a door. Do you think we are going to enter the tower?"

Xenia twisted her eyes annoyed. "Yes, Peter, that's going to happen. But it's better to knock beforehand. Maybe the princess just has nothing on." 

Peter began to sabre. "You mean she's naked?"

Xenia slapped him. "You're just as much a piglet as Martin!"

Peter turned around looking. "Where is the Martin?" The Xenia just groaned in despair. "The troll woman just took him with her, she wants to marry him and then eat him up." Peter scratched his head. "Really?" "Yes, really," Xenia replied. "That was the same after you defeated the evil king."

Peter looked at her even more perplexed. "Hues?"

Xenia gave him a pusher towards the tower door. "Peter, just forget it, yes? Knock on this door now and ask the beautiful elven princess if you can get in!"

Peter went to the door and knocked.

The beautiful elven princess sat bored in her tower. In fact, she was so bored that she seriously considered whether she should marry the king and thereby bring about the end of the world. A world that sank into ice and snow and grief was still more interesting than sitting in this boring tower all day. 

Suddenly it knocked on the door. "Yes, please, who is there?" she asked, standing up excitedly.

"I have defeated the evil king and now I want to save you and marry you," said one voice. Then the voice asked, "Xenia, did I really say that?"

The princess was a little confused. Who was their mysterious savior? Surely it was a brave good-looking knight in a shiny armor, maybe it was also a prince who looked even better and whose armor shone even more. Or was it the mysterious man with the black mask?" Suddenly she got to deal with a little bit of fear. "It's not going to be an ogre, isit?"

Her friend Fiona had married an ogre some time ago.

But no, it was definitely either a knight, a prince or the mysterious man with the mask who would now come straight through this door and save it.

"In," she cried kindly, quickly straightening her hair.

The unlocked door opened and came in...."Say who or what are you?" she asked, disenchanted. The man looked at her confused and scratched his head. Hopefully he didn't have lice, did he? 

He asked, "Hey?" A young dark-haired woman in a skimpy leather armor followed him and struck him in the back of the head. "Let's be scratched, the princess doesn't have to realize immediately that you have lice!" 

The beautiful elven princess went a few steps back. Now the lady said to the strange being, which was supposed to be her savior: "Now tell her what your name is!"

The man said kindly, "Hello, you, I'm Peter!"

The princess nodded. "Nice to get to know you Peter. But let's be honest, you're certainly just my savior's stall boy, aren't you?"

Peter scratched his head again, confused. "Uh, no, I am already the one who defeated the uh, things, erm king."

The princess became corpse-pale. "But what about everything in the world are you? You are not a knight or a prince, and you are not a mysterious stranger with a black mask!"

Peter shook his head. "No, I'm a shepherd!"

The princess nodded. "That's why this sheep smell comes from here.

Peter looked closely at this princess. She was pretty, but somehow was a little conceited. Didn't she like sheep? And what else could have been done with her? He decided to ask her a few questions.

"Uh, so, princess, can you actually keep sheep?" She looked at him in dismay. "No, of course I can't do anything like that."

Peter wasn't quite happy. "But you can certainly cook well, can you? My poor old mother needs a little help in the household, even the laundry she doesn't get so well anymore. And the hill in the garden under the oak, where she buried my father, Hans, after an axe suddenly fell on his head, must also be cared for."

The princess shook her head. "I can't do anything like that!" 

Peter scratched his head again. "What can you do?" he asked her.

The princess reached for a sword that lay next to her and said, "I am the best swordswoman of the entire elven people, a good sorceress, I take it with all the evil sorcerers, vampires, trolls and evil spirits. In addition, I can fight against 20 orcs at the same time and at the same time weave my hair!"

Peter scratched his head and asked, "Hey?"

Xenia said, "What my friend wants to ask is if you can do all this, have your sword with you all the time and the door was not closed, why didn't you defeat the evil king yourself and fled from here?"

Now the princess was a little confused. "But that's not the case!"

Now Xenia was a little perplexed. "What?"

Peter turned to the princess. "You, with getting married, maybe we'll leave it better. I think I'd rather take Heidi. She can make great cheese and shepherd sheep. She also has a great möp.. Aua, why are you housing me, Xenia?"

The princess was of the same opinion as Peter. "We really should leave it better. Nevertheless, I am glad that you saved me. Can I fulfill your wish? As I said, I can also conjure!"

Peter scratched his head very hard. "I don't really know what to want!"

Xenia said to the princess, "But I have a good idea what you could do for Peter and for all of us!"

The princess looked at Xenia. "What can I do for him? Conjure up a sack full of gold, give him a castle, forge a magic sword, or should I give him a little deck?"

Xenia shook her head. "None of this. I know something much better!"

A few days later, Peter and Xenia were on their way to the wedding of Martin and the Troll Woman. Peter smiled blissfully in front of him. "That was a very good idea from you, Xenia, that the princess conjured my lice away from me!"

Xenia nodded. "I have done this for you and the rest of humanity. Say, what are we supposed to give to Martin and the troll woman?"

Peter wanted to scratch his head in old habit, but Xenia looked at him so admonishingly that he preferred to read it. 'I don't really know. Don't you have an idea?"

Xenia pondered for a moment. 'I've been thinking about giving the troll woman a nice set of steak knives because she's going to eat Martin tonight, but I thought that was kind of unfair. Finally, Martin should also have something of the gift. So it can't be a long time. Maybe we should just give flowers. That's always a good thing."

Peter nodded wisely. "Well, we do that!"

They began to pick flowers. Suddenly a wolf came to them. "Hi, my dear ones, what do you want here? Do you want to pick a bouquet for your sick grandmother?" Peter looked at the wolf. "Hues?"

But Xenia became angry. She picked up a branch and struck the wolf. "You think we'd be stupid, or what? Do we wear red caps? Just make you get away!"

Anxiously, the wolf ran away.

They went on. Next, they met a poor boy who was moving around with a hangover. "Good morning, I am looking for the castle of an evil sorcerer. My talking cat said, "Let me go and save a princess, can you show me the way?" he asked.

Peter did not understand what the boy wanted. Xenia replied in his place: "Unfortunately, you are too late, the princess has already been saved. But that your hangover is talking to you, boy, that's worrying. Think about which mushrooms to eat beforehand!"

In the afternoon they came to the beautiful large church where the wedding of Martin and the troll woman was to take place. 

Peter and Xenia gave their flowers and took their seats in the church. "But that's pretty much here," Peter said. Xenia nodded. "Yes, at troll weddings the whole family always comes. Look, the crying troll woman in the floral dress behind, that's definitely the mother of the bride. She is quite moved.

In fact, the whole church was filled with trolls to the last place. Apart from the Peter and Xenia, the only non-trolls were small cage-locked gnomes. 

They stood on a table in the front room of the church.

"They're probably meant for the post-wedding wedding reception, as snacks," Xenia said. Peter scratched his head despite Xenia's admonishing gaze. "But that's mean, the poor gnomes!"

Xenia twisted her eyes and annoyedly said, "Are you in the Wichtelschutzbund? Are you also one of those who lounged from troll caves with signs that read "Protect our wichtel?"

Peter looked at her seriously. "Yes, I've been doing this for years. I think that gnomes are an endangered species, and if I'm honest, it stinks to me that my best friend Martin is being eaten by this ugly troll woman tonight."

Xenia looked at him impressed. "Peter, I don't know you like that! You know what, we're saving Martin now!"

Peter nodded. "But there is only one possibility, my poor old mother once told me!" 

He whispered the possibility to Xenia's ear. At first she looked horrified, then even more horrified, then the sit-down trolls got the impression that the young warrior wanted to jump up and flee, but then she slowly calmed down again and said to Peter: "If that's the only option, then we have to do it. She looked at the church ceiling, where pictures of martyrs were painted. That's how it felt at the moment.

The wedding ceremony began. Luckily, the troll woman walked down the aisle in a white ruffled dress. Unfortunately not on her father's arm, because her mother had already eaten it on her own wedding night. She wore a white floral wreath and a veil on her head. Again and again she turned around and cast in love with her fiancé Martin, whom three great trolls dragged into the church.

They stopped in front of the altar. The pastor entered the room trembling. He probably didn't like troll weddings, because often, when the jokes were not enough, the pastors were eaten.

He began his speech. "Dear present, we are gathered here today to unite this troll woman and this piece of fodder, erm, this man in the sacred state of marriage."

The bride's mother sobbed with emotion." The Martin stepped after a troll and tried to escape, but two other trolls rushed to help and held him.

The pastor looked around the church. "But before I ask this bride and her Abeness, um, their groom, if they want to say yes, I must first ask the ladies present here if they want the groom instead."

The troll woman looked threateningly into the crowd. Such a thing was really only a question of form. Never would another troll girl be so mean and take the man away from another.

In desperation, Martin looked into the crowd. That's it. Would he just be eaten. What had he had to put himself under the troll woman's favorite tree even after enjoying too much elven nectar? How could he have known that something like this was considered a marriage promise by the trolls?

But then the Xenia rose. "I'm marrying him!"

Everyone looked at her distraught. "What do you want?" the troll woman asked. "Well, I want to marry him!" She stepped forward, took Martin's hand and went to the pastor. "Please, trust us very quickly, good man."

The troll woman looked at Xenia for a moment still bewildered, then she said with a shrug: "Well, then I'd rather marry the troll-Gustav, the one with the big hammer and the sweet flat feet."

A big troll jumped out of the bench, ran towards the troll woman and hugged her. "Really, my tummy? You make me the happiest troll for a whole day! Let's make a double wedding out of it!"

And so it happened that Martin married the Xenia and the troll woman the troll-Gustav.

Troll-Gustav was eaten the same night, and Martin and Xenia moved through the country together from then on. Whether Martin was allowed to dig at the Xenia at some point, I don't tell you here. The whole thing is finally released from the age of 12. Think of your part.

And our hero, Peter? He returned to his poor old mother, who was glad that if he had not brought anything from the wide world, he had at least got rid of his lice.

From then on, Peter again kept the sheep together with Heidi and they all lived happily and contentedly until their end.

The End


End file.
